We've got a gun. In fact, we've got two. That's OK, man, 'cause we love God.

so, uhm... I'm not dead.

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But if blogging were any indicator I would totally understand why everyone would think that I am.

I got an email from a certain blogger I wrote to ages ago through the mormon friendster equivalent that I am embarrassed to mention. I haven't been there in ages- but that is largely because I haven't really been on the internet in ages unless it is through the intranet at work- and that is basically just to check tech specs of computers I'm selling.

I don't blog or read blogs or read message boards anymore at all. I sit in front of a computer for 10+ hours every day at work- so I usually don't do that when I get home.

instead I vege out and watch a movie.

soooo much better.

How the crap do people with families work full time and blog?

But this previously mentioned email mentioned internet people in our age group being intimidated by JL's high level of education and not really wanting to talk to her.

It made me think about that type of thing IRL and over the internet. In terms of possible romantic interest it does seem like for a woman to be working on or have advanced degrees turns a lot of guys off real early on.

I don't really understand that whole not wanting a girl who is well educated- but I suppose it is intimidating to be in your late 20s and barely through a bachelors degree and have the person you are talking to be about the same age but with Dr. in front of their name.

So where does this separation come from? Is it intimidation? Is it assumptions about what a well educated women must be like? Is it as simple as not wanting to date a woman who is by worldly measure clearly much smarter than you?

I'm not sure. I dated a PhD student when I first got back from my mission and I think I would probably date someone with an advanced degree.

So- as a question to the readership here- women have you felt snubbed because of your high level of education? Men, has a woman being well educated prevented you from pursuing her? If so, why?

Blogs are supposed to say something just ask something- aren't they? Sorry, I haven't done this in a while. Just put up with me and answer the questions.

7 Responses to “so, uhm... I'm not dead.”

  1. Blogger lchan 

    Great news. I'm thrilled you're not dead. Sounds like your new job is killing something, though.

    This is a good post, but kind of a hard call. I think anyone who is buys into this kind of thinking isn't going to admit to it anytime soon. Y'know, being such a boarish oaf and all.

    The way men think about women has come a long way, I think. But on this, things can be touchy. I think most men want to be the care-taker, be the guy who is in charge to a certain extent. (There's a big downside to this. I'm thinking soul-killing full-time jobs).

    If you see a couple and the guy is shorter than the girl (think TomKat), the guy can seem kind of ridiculous. Why is that? We have these ideas of men as the protector, the caretaker, and the shorter guy (not necessarily the short guy) just doesn't fit with that.

    I don't know how much that all mattters. I mean, if there's a weird noise in the middle of the night, my husband and I don't rockpaperscissors to see who will investigate. He's bigger and stronger. He checks it out because he's the man. I like that.

    I guess I'm saying the boarish oaf has a basis for feeling a little insecure about a girl who is smarter, has more education and/or makes more money than him. Although I'd say he just needs a paradigm shift. Because it doesn't and shouldn't matter.

  2. Blogger lchan 

    My point about who gets up in the night was that sometimes women buy into the concept of men as caretaker/protector and it's not always a bad thing.

  3. Blogger D-Train 

    Something worth thinking about...I don't know that I would want to marry or be with someone with an advanced degree in my field. This is less due to insecurity than to the fact that I will inevitably judge her on the basis of her work. If I think I'm better at my job than her, it seems likely that I won't respect her too much. The same is true of other social sciences (read: the degrees that I can understand). I'd rather evaluate her in terms of something other than her work, but I don't know how I'd do that if her interests are so analogous to mine.

    And, if she is better than me, I don't want any part of that. My pride won't sustain itself.

  4. Anonymous Susan M 

    Haha. Well that's honest, D-Train.

    I think one thing that makes my marriage work so well is that my husband and I are complete opposites. He's strong where I am weak and I'm weak where he's strong, including our intellectual abilities. He's a very spacial thinker and I'm entirely text-based. He hates to read and I hate to do anything involving physics. We're both pretty extreme about stuff too.

  5. Blogger Arwyn 

    Not dead is good! Yay for Mike being alive!

    I don't have oodles and oodles of education yet, but I've always gotten the impression (justified or not) that Mormon guys just don't like women who have a lot more education that they do. It may have something to do with guys not finishing their bachelors until their mid-20s because of the mission. Or it may come from the idea that the woman's proper place is in the home, and she doesn't need that education, so she must be scary if she wants to get it anyway.

    I'm not saying those are necessarily the case -- just some ideas to throw out there. And it's possible that my perception is wrong, and that LDS guys don't mind dating highly educated women.

    But I don't think I'm alone in that perception, and my next question would be why I (and JL and others of similar background) perceive it to be that way if it is not, in fact, that way.

  6. Blogger Mike 

    Laura, that TomKat picture was creepy as hell- it should have had a warning with the link.

    ONe question I had while reading Arwyn's response- is this unique to Mormon guys? For some reason I seem to get the feeling that this is the case with men in general- not that they oppose educated women- but that they aren't interested in women more educated than they are.

    Sure- some non-mormon guys aren't like that- but then again some Mormon guys aren't either.

    So is it a Mormon thing, or a guy thing, or a bit of both?

  7. Blogger Arwyn 

    I've only ever had that experience with Mormon guys, myself -- but then, one when looks to date mostly Mormon guys, that'll skew the results. It could very well be a more general phenomenon.

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