We've got a gun. In fact, we've got two. That's OK, man, 'cause we love God.

Yea, verily, what a great weekend.

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D-Train’s Sooners won big, my adopted-hometown Badgers are still undefeated, and it’s the final weekend of regular season baseball. True, this is very sad, but what a way to go out: on Friday, we had 3 AL teams trying for two spots and now, because the Tribe utterly chocked, it’s all over and we know who are in the playoffs. Plus, Green Bay is playing on Monday night, so they weren’t embarrassing (yet).

Oh, and apparently General Conference was this weekend.

Not being, you know, Mormon, I have no guilt about not listening to three and a half sessions. Heck, it’s probably a good thing that I listened to as much as I did. Of course, I was listening on my computer while watching the gamecasts of the Chicago-Cleveland and Boston-New York games, so it’s debatable how much I actually got from it. Also, I’m a visual person, so I’ll be waiting until they post the transcripts to really get into it.

I mean, I kinda like conference. Hated it growing up; when my devout grandmother would be visiting and would have to watch it so my sister and I couldn’t watch what we wanted to watch. But now—eh. It’s mostly good. I have a great deal of respect for almost all the men and women that speak at conference. In the top fifteen, there are only two towards which I have an aversion. But, man, I like hearing Pres. Hinckley talk. I think Steve said it best.

But—and there’s always a ‘but,’ isn’t there?—there was one part that made me sad. I don’t know who said it (but I’ve heard it many times), but one speaker spoke about how the gospel is open for all that desire it. Now, and I don’t mean to be all that bitter, this isn’t true. On my personal blog, back in the day, I wrote about my history with the church. The short of it is: I finally got to a place where I could accept the church as The Church, prayed about it—which everyone says to do—but didn’t receive any sort of confirmation or burning in the bosom or anything like that. I don’t want to actually discuss why or anything like that—no, I’ve contemplated that far too much as it is—but can I just relate how simply frustrating and disheartening the experience was?

It was very frustrating and very disheartening. Nay—it is.

I stick around, participate in the nacle, think about this stuff—all because I got this feeling that there’s something too it. And perhaps I’m wrong (though I’m sure you’d disagree with that), but at very least it’s worth pursuing. I have before, and it didn’t turn out like I expected. But maybe it’s worth trying again. I don’t know: it’s late, I’m sick, and the OTC drugs are messing with my head. For now though, at least until I wake up tomorrow, I’m going to try again, for GC and GBH have inspired me. For a week, at least. After that, who knows? A man can only take so much rejection.

4 Responses to “Yea, verily, what a great weekend.”

  1. Blogger D-Train 

    Good luck, man. I'm thinking about you.

  2. Anonymous Geoff J 

    Yeah, I know what you mean. General Conference and President Hinckley often have the same effect on me -- I feel inspired try something worthwhile one more time...

    He often repeats what I guess is the unofficial goal of the church: "To make bad men (or women I suppose) good and to make good men better". He sure is good at inspiring us to try at least.

  3. Anonymous Anonymous 

    I agree that sometimes people do think it is easy and simple to receive a confirmation of the truthfulness of the Gospel, when it can be extremely hard and complex (bordering on seemingly impossible--I don't believe that it is actually impossible, but that's based on faith, not necessarily what I've witnessed).
    I don't know why it is that some people pray once and get an answer -boom- right there and some people pray and pray and don't. I think it would be a mistake and too simplistic to boil it down to say, worthiness, or whatever. The best simple term I can think of is "readiness" because that implies a whole lot of things working together in conjunction.
    Having watched the person I love more than anyone try to believe the Church, try to get a witness, time and time again without positive results (at least, not yet--who knows if he will try again?), I agree that it is disheartening and frustrating. Heartbreaking, too.
    All the best to you in your efforts.

  4. Blogger lchan 

    I think very few people have an instant conversion experience. My dad does, but I don't know many others. I tried and tried for that and felt like I was hitting my head against a stone wall.

    When I let up and just decided to go to church, whether I felt like it or not, things slowly changed for me. I can't say I know any of it is true but I do have a quiet reassurance that this church is a good place to be. I don't care if it's the "one and only" church, I just know that for me it works.

    I also found concentrating on my Christianity helped. I recommend Richard J. Foster's books (a Quaker pastor).

    I hope you find what works for you. And, I hope you keep writing about it.

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