This is a serious subject that is handled in a somewhat flippant way. That's how I roll.
I don't really have much spiritual motivation anymore. Not that I'm fornicating or considering going anti, but I'm just not that interested in becoming a better person. I'm pretty content where I am. Since I'm probably not the best person I know, this is a problem. So I'm not really moving forward, not moving back much, but just staying where I am.
The problem with this is that I can't think of a decent tool to use to get back to the spiritual progression that I used to find for myself. So, I'm rating the power of the tools at my disposal as chess pieces. A pawn can do little, while a queen is the King.
CHURCH - I'm not excited by church anymore. I really used to be. Going to church was really great for me for a year and a half or so. There hasn't been a talk in, say, my last ten visits that I haven't heard three times. There have only been a couple of testimonies that touched me, but these were buried under an avalanche of debacles, travelogues, and denunciations of past boyfriends. I haven't been to Sunday School in an impressively long time. Priesthood is just awful and I don't go to that a lot either. I did a very good thing as a home teacher about four months ago, but that incident left me so burned out on home teaching that I just don't do it any more (I would mention that experience, but since we do have a few readers and who knows how many lurkers, I don't want to say anything about it. It was a bad, bad deal.) Even that didn't make me think "man, home teaching is important". It made me think "we really suck as a people to need these sorts of services from home teachers". Maybe not a noble opinion, but it's where I am. Church gets a pawn for now.
HOPE FOR EXALTATION - On and off. As my "Shame" post indicated, I'm not sure I even want the Church to be true. I know it is, but I don't really want it to be. I'd be cool with seventy years of PlayStation, sports, and enough work to make a living and then an eternal residence in the dirt. Sometimes, I really do want to be like Christ, but the desire just isn't enough. Ironically, when I'm most hopeful, I'm most convinced that the celestial standard is a few inches higher than I can jump. This one still has some appeal for me, so we'll go with a knight.
FAITH IN TRUTH: Same concerns as exaltation. The gospel is true, but it may not be true in a way that does anything for me. Just a pawn.
PRAYER: I just don't want to any more. From time to time, I have really good prayers. Mostly, I just don't want to talk to God. I don't feel that I have anything to say. Even worse, I don't think he has a lot to say to me. Sometimes, this is a somewhat reassuring "what more can he say than to you he hath said" feeling. Other times, it's just "well, do as you wish". For some reason, this seems like more work than it's worth a lot. I haven't stopped praying in my heart, but I don't do it for real as much as I should. Still a bishop, but should be a lot more.
SCRIPTURE STUDY: Indifferent. This can be good on occasion, but mostly I just do it for the sake of doing it. When I do it, it's out of a sense of obligation and being done is a relief. Not the best atmosphere for spiritual growth, I don't think. Pawn.
That's about it. Except for the one thing I have that's worth thinking about.....
PRIDE: Well, I have no shortage of this. I react negatively to potential infringements upon my pride. Actual infringements meet the sharpest rebuke. Pride makes me a better athlete, a better scholar, a better PlayStation performer, a better everything. It also makes me bitter, mean, and unwilling to accept anything that isn't made by mine own hands. I can't really think of how to mobilize my pride on my behalf. Mostly, my pride is presently good only for taking care of itself. The worst of that is that I can think of no way to get rid of it and have no desire to do so. But, this one's the queen. It's the one thing I have that I think is powerful enough to make a real impact.
So, I guess all I have in the way of solicitation of advice is on the pride front. How can I mobilize my pride and make it work for me? As it is, I mostly work for my pride and accept the crumbs (well, small meals) that it throws me.