There's only one Rufus Alexander.

There's only one Dusty Dvoracek.

There's only one Adrian Peterson.

There's only one Rhett Bomar.

There's only one J.D. Runnels.

There's only one Davin Joseph.

There's only one Bob Stoops.

There's only one.....

There's only one.....

There's only one.....

Oklahoma.

I suppose it is my turn to post?

I came home to change so I could go to the Joseph Smith broadcast at the Stake center. It was just late enough that I thought I might be late getting there. That sealed the deal for watching it via the internet- which I am doing right now. I don't have to change- that's a plus. I don't have to talk to or see other people- both a plus and minus. (I should be more social.)

One additional benefit is that I can do other things while watching the broadcast. Cleaning my room, (probably won't happen) blogging, (clearly has) and eating some food.

While driving home I thought "I need to hurry and change to get to the Christmas broadcast thing" then remembered we already had the Christmas broadcast and thought it kind of strange that we had the Christmas broadcast as kind of a regular Sunday fireside- but Joseph gets a special devotional on his actual birthday.

So, to somewhat link to D-Train's post, is there some truth to claims of people like Decker? Certainly I believe Joseph Smith was a true prophet. But, do we revere him to a point that it interferes with a focus on Christ? Do we focus more on the fact that we have the true messenger than on what the message is?

President Packer offered the opening prayer. It seemed almost a history lesson/sermon on Joseph Smith as much as a prayer. But, it started with thanks that we could be gathered on this sacred occasion. I thought "sacred?" It kind of made me wonder where we fall, and why we are surprised when people think we worship the prophet Joseph.

Buddhists of most stripes reverence towards the Buddha certainly seems to be definable as worship. Many people mistakenly believe that Muslims worship Mohammed - but I suppose depending on the definition of worship many/all of them do. When we hear something along the lines of "There is one God, Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet." many of us define that as worshipful.

Because really, what is worship? Do we revere the prophet? Certainly. But where is the line?
So, in some measure, do we worship the prophet Joseph Smith? I don't know that we can define it as worship- but should we really be so prickly in being defensive or offended when people assume that we do?

Yeah, see, I don't know what to make of this.

Probably the roughest refutation of Ed Decker's "work" that I've ever seen. Made me want to stand and applaud......kind of......

Much of this page is laughably slanderous and takes even more out of context than Ed Decker ("Reverend Ed" according to the site) himself. Still, I couldn't help but be amazed at this.

This is a serious subject that is handled in a somewhat flippant way. That's how I roll.

I don't really have much spiritual motivation anymore. Not that I'm fornicating or considering going anti, but I'm just not that interested in becoming a better person. I'm pretty content where I am. Since I'm probably not the best person I know, this is a problem. So I'm not really moving forward, not moving back much, but just staying where I am.

The problem with this is that I can't think of a decent tool to use to get back to the spiritual progression that I used to find for myself. So, I'm rating the power of the tools at my disposal as chess pieces. A pawn can do little, while a queen is the King.

CHURCH - I'm not excited by church anymore. I really used to be. Going to church was really great for me for a year and a half or so. There hasn't been a talk in, say, my last ten visits that I haven't heard three times. There have only been a couple of testimonies that touched me, but these were buried under an avalanche of debacles, travelogues, and denunciations of past boyfriends. I haven't been to Sunday School in an impressively long time. Priesthood is just awful and I don't go to that a lot either. I did a very good thing as a home teacher about four months ago, but that incident left me so burned out on home teaching that I just don't do it any more (I would mention that experience, but since we do have a few readers and who knows how many lurkers, I don't want to say anything about it. It was a bad, bad deal.) Even that didn't make me think "man, home teaching is important". It made me think "we really suck as a people to need these sorts of services from home teachers". Maybe not a noble opinion, but it's where I am. Church gets a pawn for now.

HOPE FOR EXALTATION - On and off. As my "Shame" post indicated, I'm not sure I even want the Church to be true. I know it is, but I don't really want it to be. I'd be cool with seventy years of PlayStation, sports, and enough work to make a living and then an eternal residence in the dirt. Sometimes, I really do want to be like Christ, but the desire just isn't enough. Ironically, when I'm most hopeful, I'm most convinced that the celestial standard is a few inches higher than I can jump. This one still has some appeal for me, so we'll go with a knight.

FAITH IN TRUTH: Same concerns as exaltation. The gospel is true, but it may not be true in a way that does anything for me. Just a pawn.

PRAYER: I just don't want to any more. From time to time, I have really good prayers. Mostly, I just don't want to talk to God. I don't feel that I have anything to say. Even worse, I don't think he has a lot to say to me. Sometimes, this is a somewhat reassuring "what more can he say than to you he hath said" feeling. Other times, it's just "well, do as you wish". For some reason, this seems like more work than it's worth a lot. I haven't stopped praying in my heart, but I don't do it for real as much as I should. Still a bishop, but should be a lot more.

SCRIPTURE STUDY: Indifferent. This can be good on occasion, but mostly I just do it for the sake of doing it. When I do it, it's out of a sense of obligation and being done is a relief. Not the best atmosphere for spiritual growth, I don't think. Pawn.

That's about it. Except for the one thing I have that's worth thinking about.....

PRIDE: Well, I have no shortage of this. I react negatively to potential infringements upon my pride. Actual infringements meet the sharpest rebuke. Pride makes me a better athlete, a better scholar, a better PlayStation performer, a better everything. It also makes me bitter, mean, and unwilling to accept anything that isn't made by mine own hands. I can't really think of how to mobilize my pride on my behalf. Mostly, my pride is presently good only for taking care of itself. The worst of that is that I can think of no way to get rid of it and have no desire to do so. But, this one's the queen. It's the one thing I have that I think is powerful enough to make a real impact.

So, I guess all I have in the way of solicitation of advice is on the pride front. How can I mobilize my pride and make it work for me? As it is, I mostly work for my pride and accept the crumbs (well, small meals) that it throws me.

Even if you want to believe in the president, I simply can't see that he cares one little bit about civil liberties.

The latest issue is, of course, the president's admission that he has authorized domestic spying without a warrant. Do we really live in a world where the Patriot Act just isn't enough? This is even more astonishing given the following:

1) Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act court hearings are classified events;

2) If the government deems a matter an emergency, it can spy for seventy two hours without any warrant at all as long as it notifies a FISA court at the end of the seventy two hours;

3) You can already act without a warrant if you have probable cause to believe a crime has been committed or is imminent; and

4) Any terrorist worth his salt assumes he's being watched anyway.

In fine G-Dub style, the president accuses the New York Times of jeopardizing American security. This despite the Times' failure to reveal details of any ongoing investigation or operation. Again, this administration has taken the public position that a debate of administration actions in the war on terror is unpatriotic and damages the war. The president promises to keep doing this as long as we face a threat from "al-Qaeda or related groups".

I've never been a big fan of G-Dub's "foreign policy" or his crusade against evil. That said, this is just the last straw for me. I've always wanted to believe that he's just a guy making honest mistakes, that his mistakes come from flawed assumptions and not from ill intent, and that he's a good man that's trying to work within the system to deal with an issue that he just does not understand.

Well, no. In this instance, the president has chosen to ignore civil liberties indefinitely, to go beyond the Act that he defends as essential to our liberty, and to spit on anyone who chooses to ask him what he's doing or why he's doing it. Not only that, he's continuing to lie about it by telling us that all of these acts were done within the law.

I declare my complete loss of respect for anyone that honestly thinks this man cares two figs for civil liberties, due process, or any constitutional right other than his own position as Commander in Chief. It may well be that he's right that these actions are necessary to our protection. I emphatically deny this, but recognize that it is a legitimate argument to make.

But don't lie so boldly and so openly. Don't tell me that you care about civil liberties when you're willing to authorize these actions with absolutely no regard for the law, especially after you've shoehorned a law through Congress that gives you unprecedented power to act legally. At least admit the obvious: there is no case in which you, George W. Bush, will choose civil liberties when they conflict with your agenda in the war on terrorism.

That might even be a defensible position. Bush's claim that he's interested in protecting the Constitution is not.

Adlai Stevenson once said of Richard Nixon that he's the sort of man that would cut down a tree, mount the stump, and give a speech for conservation.

I only have one thing to say about that: at least Nixon did a thing or two right.

Real post tomorrow. Angry disbelief today.

Courtesy of ESPN.com, the reason why I hate sports fans:

"I would like to see JOHAN SANTANA TRADED TO THE CARDINALS FOR ALBERT PUJOLS. I think Pujols is the most overrated player in the history of baseball. I live in St. Louis and I watch Pujols choke more in clutch situations than any other player on the team. I want the Cardinals to get rid of his salary and start to play some other bum in his position! What are the chances of this trade going through???"

Hmmm. What are the chances, huh? What's zero times 1 billion equal?

That would be the chances.

"You might want to ask Brad Lidge whether Pujols ever comes through in the clutch," suggested one of our trained professionals, helpfully.

We're not going to identify the reader who sent us this deal, in order to allow him to lead a healthy and happy life for many more years. But when one ESPN.com employee noticed this e-mail address ended in "midwestbankcentre.com," his observation was: "Albert Pujols must have taken all his money out of that bank, don't you think?"

Or, why Mormons and other obsessive people demand perfection from themselves.

In this shameful post, my distinguished (and far more prolific) co-blogger D-Train brings up as a Mormon belief that troubles him the idea that we can never be responsible for our own salvation. Ultimately, in the end, we're not capable. We need Christ. We need to admit to ourselves that we need Christ.

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls," says the Master himself in the eleventh chapter of Matthew. "For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."

These scriptures are emphasized in Mormon theology, right up there with 2 Nephi 25:23, in which Nephi explains, "for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do."

After all we can do.

I'm a perfectionist. I don't exclude myself from the species of individual who feels that she must do everything right and perfectly, and somewhere deep inside is scared that she'll somehow miss something, will skip a step or let down her guard one time too many, and will not actually do all she can do. And it's a downward spiral: someone with this outlook will see that she's faltering and then blame herself for not doing all she can do, and will try harder, but by expending more energy in futile pursuits of perfection, will only make more mistakes.

Is it that we feel that we can't take up Christ's lighter burden until we've done all we can do? If so, we'll never get there. Just when you walk halfway across the bridge, then walk halfway across the remaining distance, then half of that remaining distance, and so on, you'll never reach the other side...the same way, we'll never achieve perfection in this life, despite our best efforts. It's just not human.

Now, some of us have a hard time buying that. We're the ones who like to think we can do everything and anything, that nothing is impossible, and that no matter what someone demands or asks of us, we've got the strength/energy/ability to do it -- or, if not, then to learn how to do it, or to figure it out. Sometimes this belief is all that gets us out of bed in the mornings, but it's also what sends us crashing past midnight and getting up before the sun.

The reality of this is brought home as I try to write the perfect law school admissions essay. My goal? The "Celestial Kingdom" of law schools. My struggle? To write a perfect essay that conveys exactly what I want it to say and exactly what it needs to say for me to gain admission. I've spent a couple weeks hammering perfection of prose into one -- and now I can only look at it, disgusted, as it doesn't say half of what it needs to.

Unfortunately, there's no savior who I can give everything over to after I've done my best and be assured of entrance.

This post should end with something like a statement of testimony wherein I say how grateful I am for the atoning sacrifice that allows me to be imperfect and yet still return to live with my Heavenly Father someday.

And I am. Don't get me wrong.

But the reality of that has yet to really sink in for me, and in the end, I'm still trying to cross that never-ending bridge into perfection. And I wish I could be more laid back, and accept Christ's lighter burden, and stop worrying about how close I am or how far away or how much better I need to be.

Maybe someday.

Right. So this girl from the cross country team emails this guy from the cross country team calling him horribly racist names and...well, read for yourself:

In the e-mail, the author threatened to "come find you and drag you behind my (expletive) car," a supposed reference to a 1998 incident in which a black man was dragged to his death by three white men in Jasper, Texas. (Rocky Mountain News, follow the link for more)

Girl leaves cross country team "for personal reasons" before she can be kicked off.

Girl is from South Jordan, Utah.

I ain't sayin', I'm just sayin'.

(via Deadspin, my favorite sports site)

Nothing inspires blogging like a too-close win on NCAA Football.

I was speaking with a few friends the other day and I happened to ask if they were ever ashamed to admit to being Mormon. We discussed issues for the most part and admitted to being variously ashamed of the black priesthood ban, negative stereotypes of members, and other items. I am ashamed of those things, but I'm mostly ashamed of the Atonement.

Not what others are usually ashamed of, but I guess I should try and explain.

The toughest thing about the gospel for me to accept is that we're never done. The game isn't ever over. Death doesn't finish it. There's never going to be an end. It's really eternal. There's no point at which we've done enough. So, we keep working forever and we'll always have to go to work. In short, the Mormon retirement plan sucks.

I suppose that wouldn't be bad if I could pay my bills and have some left over for TiVo and Taco Bell after I put in my ten hours at the steel mill. But we'll always be indebted to Jesus Christ. I mean, forever.

In theory, this should still be pretty great. Lots of people (myself sometimes included) find great solace in this. Despite the supposed advantages of "salvation" (whatever that ends up being in your case or mine), I'll always have obligations. Obligations to act a certain way, do a certain thing, be with a certain person, be in a certain place, et cetera. I don't want any part of those obligations.

Is that selfish, prideful, ignorant of the gospel? Yes. Quite clearly. But I want what I want. I hate being obligated to others, especially when the obligation is indeterminate. Some obligations can be very rewarding: I'll be at the desk in the jock dorms for ten hours if you'll give me my room and some food. I'll strike out ten guys if you'll score four runs for me. I'll play my hardest for three hours if you do the same. I just see the less determinate obligations as shackles that can't be cut. A long term relationship with a woman? All that means to me is that too much is never enough. A long term relationship with Jesus Christ? Unfortunately, much the same. However, it seems that the alternative might be a great deal worse.

And then there's the inadequacy. Being a believing Mormon involves a number of things:

1) Admitting that the Spirit had to tell you what's true. You couldn't figure it out on your own, at least not without a hint. Rationality is just more comforting. This is much less annoying than

2) Admitting that God is just better than you. Smarter, better, bigger, stronger, and probably knows who'll win the World Cup. You can't beat him or even draw. You lose by admitting to being religious. Hey, I think I read somewhere that the essence of pride is competitive! Can't imagine how that might apply.....

3) Never being able to be fully responsible for your own salvation. Being "beaten with a few stripes" would at least punish you to the extent that you deserve and then there would be no more claim. Anything over that would just be oppression due to power differential. That I can handle.

Sometimes I actually think that I'd rather be beaten and banished than exalted and indebted. I know this isn't too sensible, but it still holds some sway with me.

Is it just me that worries about this stuff? Maybe I just don't get it......of that I'm certain.

(Note to potentially offended readers: I'm still onboard. I still think the Church is true. I still believe in Jesus Christ and the Atonement. I just wish it were "easier" or involved some system whereby I can get what I deserve and then be left to do as I will.)

I don’t comment very often on other blogs. Here’s why:

1. I have nothing to add. The general principle: one should always have something to add to the conversation, to enrich it somehow.

2. I’m stupid – I simply don’t have the information base in which to comment intelligently (i.e. temple experiences).

3. You’re stupid -- You don’t have the information base in which to comment/post intelligently, yet you do anyway, and I see no reason to affirm your behavior.

4. I’m an ass -- I try only to be an ass to those that deserve it. Luckily, relatively few people fall into that category. The ones that do—see below (#5, #9).

5. You’re an ass -- Towards the end of Back to the Future III, Mad Dog Tannen calls Marty out to make good on the pistol fight. Marty looks around the bar and the patrons tell him “don’t let me down.” Marty stands up and says, “He’s an ass! I don’t care what Tannen says. And I don’t care what anybody else says either.” Because, yes, the best thing to do with asses is to leave them alone to their own assholery.

6. Somebody has already said what I wanted to say. This happens a lot. It’s usually Flanders, too. Stupid Flanders.

7. It’s not my place to say anything, part I. The nacle, like any other community, has it’s own social makeup and cliques.

8. It’s not my place to say anything, part II. I’m not a Mormon. This is a Mormon community—and the expectation is one of either belief or some kind of cultural connection. For instance, a recent thread on M* asked, “How many kids would you be willing to have before you'd rather have none?” While it’s an interesting question, but one of the reasons I didn’t comment is that my comment wouldn’t add anything to the understanding of the Mormon experience. And, besides, it’d give ammunition for those that believe people like me to be degenerate heathens. (My answer, by the way, is: 2,1,0,3,4…) The way I see it, my value to the nacle is offering an informed outside perspective (see #1)—but that need doesn’t come up all that often.

9. It won’t do any good. The nature of online communication isn’t all that conducive to good discussion. The noise to quality ration is too high. It’s a series of monologues instead of a dialogue. But more importantly, everyone seems so stuck in their ways of action and thinking—myself included. There is no possible way that you can convince me that gay marriage should be banned. There’s no way I can convince D-Train that Cardinals are the most immoral team in MLB. There is no way I can convince Geoff B to let his children watch TV. Not going to happen—so why try? For sure, there might be some benefit for posterity, where perhaps something I say could possibly convince someone somewhere…but I’m highly skeptical.

10. I’m lazy. This wouldn’t matter that much if it wasn’t for the above nine reasons. But given the above--

Brilliant!

I'm sure that others will have a different reaction.

This in no way involves a marriage on the Strip.

[pause while Mollies and Peters flee this den of iniquity]

This article discusses a BYU prof's view of dieting.

I quote from the article: "You definitely lose weight on a diet, but resisting biological pressures is ultimately doomed."

Now, I know full well that BYU professors are not arbiters of doctrine. But, I have to ask: how can this relate to chastity issues? Seems worth a thought or two. Plus, it's an excuse to talk about that dirty m-word.

If you haven't heard Otis Redding's "I've Got Dreams to Remember", do so immediately.

A few days ago, I had a horrid nightmare about nuclear war. Every month or so, I have a terrible nuclear war nightmare. Some are worse than others and I'm rarely able to remember the details. This time, I could. I'll be brief about them.

The first segment occurred somewhere between 4 and 6:30 AM. It consisted entirely of me going up and down a frozen slide in Alaska as H-Hour got closer and closer. The alarms were going off, they were coming down from the sky, and all that I could do is go up and down this slide.

I woke up in terror, got some water, and hoped that sleep wouldn't bring any more. This wish was not to be granted. As it happened, I was in a house in suburban Kansas (actually, my grandparents' house) with a friend. I kept begging him to go out with me and get some supplies as international tensions rose. He refused to go or give me the car keys. I finally got him to go, but as we headed for the front door, the air raid sirens went off. I just looked at him and said "Well, we can't go out there any more." A few minutes later, they started coming down.

I always wonder about what these dreams mean. Not specifically the nuclear war dreams (the above messages are crystal clear to me), but dreams in general. I feel that these dreams speak to me not as revelation or divine manifestation of truth, but as my subconscious expression of strongly held beliefs. I wonder what our beloved readers think. Do you ever have dreams that communicate to you? Are they ever spiritual? How do you take them?

The kid can't catch a break. A post on immigration is sure to bring the fires of blog hell upon anyone and it seems that Adam is the latest victim.

I disagree with Adam on nearly every issue of any import at all (at least issues that are blogged about). Despite that, he really got an unfair shake on the latest T&S mammoth thread. After all, he did specifically say that he's not turning in any Church members that happen to be illegals. He does acknowledge that there are problems with the way deportation is conducted and knows that there are significant issues. In view of this, I'm surprised that Mosiah 4:27 ("see that these things are done in wisdom and in order") didn't surface at any point. I'm about as supportive of immigration as anyone and even I acknowledge that there should be limits and regulations in these fields.

I happen to think that American policy toward Latin America is so poorly conceived that current regulations are not just and that turning in illegals is not required. But another question is raised: Should we, as individuals, enforce unjust applications of a generally just law? Had this question been raised in the T&S debate, things might have been illuminated. As it is, it basically descended into an ideological food fight.

The doctrinal emphasis on sustaining governments is just plain bogus, in my view. This has a lot more to do with worshipping authority than any sound doctrinal or moral reasoning. On several occasions on that thread, commenters attempted to relate this doctrine to potential Church violations of immigration law in the missionary program and to the possibility of going after businesses that employ illegals more fully. As expected, no response whatsoever. We didn't sustain laws against polygamy. We sure didn't submit meekly to the Missouri extermination order. The point is not that we're any worse than anyone else in this regard, but simply that the status of a command as law is dwarfed by a consideration of the inherent morality of the command itself.

I'll post my thoughts on immigration more fully in the future, but for the present, I'll summarize: Adam grasped a nettle and got a real rough deal. His position is a lot more nuanced than the folks over there were willing to admit. Of course, that's the problem with these blogs: I've never heard a civilized and nuanced discussion that included more than maybe a dozen people. Such are the wages of bloggernacle domination :)