I have told one person about this so far (a roommate and fellow blogger over at the council.) So, I guess this will be the official announcement.
No, I'm not coming out of the closet. (because despite any possible indicators; I am not, in fact, homosexual.)
I'm not announcing a bid for political office,
I'm not leaving the Church,
I'm not getting married,
and I'm not dying.
I am, however, seriously considering quitting my job.
This may come as a shock and cause you to exclaim something along the lines of:
"I thought you loved your job"
"How will you feed yourself?"
or even "Does this mean you'll actually blog again?"
I probably still won't blog because I'm a lazy SOB, though having the option of blogging once in a while would be nice.
I'm getting a bit burnt out- but that isn't the real reason I think I might leave. I can handle continuing to work lots of hours, making less than the time I invest warrants, trying to climb the corporate latter, and so on.
What I can't handle is still not knowing what I'm doing with my life. I can't handle having one or two classes hanging over my head. I can't handle limiting my options because of classes I should have gotten A's in being on my transcript with a D or a C.
I think that I would like to head back to school full time to take the one class I actually need and to retake some classes I already took (not really classes I took, more along the lines of classes I was enrolled in) so that I have a slightly better GPA when that degree gets handed over so that if I decide to go on to law school or grad school I've got a little bit better footing to do so. And yes, I have pretty much eliminated top tier schools already. Even if I can replace a grade by re-taking a class, potential schools still see my transcript and see the original grade there. But that is water under the bridge. I probably would have been ok had I just failed to take portions of my education seriously. I pretty much failed to take portions of my education at all.
I would like to at least finish off well. I probably won't head off to law school or grad school right after finishing- but I want to be in a bit better shape if/when I eventually do.
Working full time while doing this may very well be possible. However, working my current job would not. It is too far away and it is way more hours than full time.
I really am torn here.
On one hand I actually am doing OK and there is advancement opportunity.
On the other hand I don't know if I really want to do any of the things I would advance to.
I think it would be easier to step away if there were something definite I wanted to do in grad school and beyond. I would have a goal, have it validated, and have needed steps to reach it.
As is, it feels kind of like I may just be doing this because I'm sick of working. And maybe I am.
Leaving seems hard because I really did just kind of fall into a pretty good job- while tons of other potential employers wanted nothing to do with me. So, I'm worried that if I go back to school full time and leave my job I will be giving up my chance at solid employment. Also, that by taking a "real" or "grown up" type job and then leaving after six months won't look good to other potential employers.
So I'm stuck wondering what I should do. Am I shooting myself in the foot by leaving? Am I crippling my potential by staying?
I will certainly be thinking and praying about this for the next couple weeks, including thinking and praying about how to talk to my parents about this. I certainly want their input (and if I quit working, may need their assistance.) but I don't know how to talk to them about it, and somehow feel that by leaving I would somehow be letting them down. I also feel like I’d be letting myself down. I don’t want to just quit because something is unpleasant or seems difficult. I have far to often given up on things, and much more often than that just kind of given up by never letting myself care in the first place and just half ass-ing it. But this time I have put a bit more in, I have been somewhat successful. Now that all of that is just starting I don’t want to just bail because I’m burnt out, or not good enough, or even just because I’m afraid of not being good enough. I hope that isn’t what is motivating me here, but it may be.
I appreciate your patience reading this (or scrolling through it.) This is really more of a post for my personal blog- but, for some reason, I just felt like I should post it here. Thanks for putting up with the rambling nature of the post.